Qualities Acquired Gradually Through Practice

Paulo Freire’s Teachers as Cultural Workers: Letters to Those Who Dare Teach presents the following attributes as qualities to ever strive for and develop; “necessary for a progressive educational practice:” humility, lovingness, tolerance, patience and impatience, and joy of living.  These five characteristics will serve as a framework for my online portfolio in an effort to encourage a heuristic discussion amongst counselors, student affairs administrators, and educators.  Please join in!

Humility

“Humility helps us to understand this obvious truth: No one knows it all; no one is ignorant of everything. We all know something; we are all ignorant of something. Without humility, one can hardly listen with respect to those one judges to be too far below one’s own level of competence. But the humility that enables one to listen even to those considered less competent should not be an act of condescension or resemble the behavior of those fulfilling a vow: “I promise the Virgin Mary that, if the problem with my eyes turns out not to be serious, I will listen to the rude and ignorant parents of my students with attention.” No. None of that. Listening to all that come to us, regardless of their intellectual level, is a human duty and reveals an identification with democracy and not with elitism.” —Freire

It is impossible for me to discuss my current position in life, as a student in the graduate counseling program at West Chester University, without examining my life’s journey and all of the accompanying paths that I have followed along the way. In this endeavor, it seems fitting to apply the popular adage, “The more things change, the more they remain the same.” Although oftentimes unrecognized, as I have grown and experienced life, I realize now, I have always had a counselor in me.

My parents tell me that I started life as a very peaceful baby who slept and ate without a fuss and never created mayhem in the household. When my sisters arrived on the scene, I was thrilled to pamper them and delight in their young antics. I related to and tried to comfort their pains and took instant pride in their successes. Sound idyllic? It was, until of course, I had to start public school.

I know that it sounds incredible, because I now believe that all kindergarten teachers automatically go to heaven, but my kindergarten teacher was literally, “the teacher from the black lagoon.” She yelled; she screamed; she provided an atmosphere that was not ‘kid friendly’ and I promptly announced that I no longer liked school. It was tough on my parents to be faced with a possible kindergarten dropout, but they never gave up on me and intervened as best they could during that very traumatic first introduction to elementary school. Little did I, or they, realize that the seeds of my current love for learning were planted. When my parents acted on my behalf, motivated by their value for education, I began formulating values of my own.

It just so happened that I continued to stumble and struggle through first grade. Fortunately, my growing desire to learn from, and face challenges was not stifled by the constraints at school, as I proceeded to “crack the code” and began reading everything I got my hands on. I started second grade as a successful reader, but lacking in skills (like math). The deficiencies of my first two years were apparent to my second grade teacher, aptly named, Mrs. Loyal. I will always be grateful to Mrs. Loyal for finally “filling in the gaps” and helping me soar to success. My early school experiences, and the trials and exercises in patience my two younger sisters provided me, led me to become a “peacekeeper” and a “go with the flow” kind of gal. I believe it was at this point in time when both mom and dad regularly referred to me as a naturally therapeutic person. All I knew was that I always tried to maintain my equilibrium and a sense of humor helped a lot. My mom loves to tell the story about how I very succinctly answered dad’s question: “Where has all the money gone?” I quite innocently perked up and stated very calmly, “Dad, we went to the mall; mommy left all the money in the mall.” Mom and dad loved both my sense of humor and my ability to reduce a possibly volatile situation to an insignificant everyday occurrence.

As I developed and matured, I found myself gravitating to those classmates who shared both my love of learning and my unique sense of humor. Some students of psychology may have called me an “overachiever” because I became “addicted” to high grades and validating reports from my teachers. My love of learning, or desire to expose myself to new skills, topics, and situations was my primary driving source and I became engrossed in all of the possibilities my future held. Luckily enough, I left high school with the fondest of memories — my easy going, friendly nature afforded me acceptance among my peers, making adolescence very bearable. My affinity to please my parents and make responsible, well thought out choices gave my parents the notion that I was in control of my world. My parents interfered very little with that world, since they loved my friends, my activities, my point of view, and above all, me. However, I longed for more and wished to challenge myself further.

I set my sights high and left the comforts of close friends and family to attend a highly competitive private university where I faced my own self-doubt and worry. After two weeks at Colgate University, I complained about the intellectual level of the students, and my belief that a public school graduate like me had no business trying to compete with Loomis-Choate graduates who had already taken the darn courses in high school. I used self-validating, self-talk and spoke regularly with friends and family for comforting wisdom. Gradually, my patience prevailed and my competence, not only in the classroom, but also in extracurricular activities, became very apparent to everyone, including me.

By the time I graduated, I had completed a semester as a student teacher. Teaching provided me with yet another venue to test my “therapeutic nature.” I chose to major in English and obtain my Secondary Teaching Certification in college, so as a student teacher, high school students were very interested in testing my ability to maintain control. Constant negotiation, mediation, patience, an easy going nature, and my well developed “people” skills made the experience one of the most challenging experience of my life, as well as, the most rewarding. I left Colgate both with a degree and a certification to teach high school English in the State of New York, and yet a slight aversion toward following in my mom’s footsteps, as she was a secondary school Spanish teacher turned elementary school Guidance Counselor.

It probably sounds like this could have been a “happily ever after story” had I decided to return to my hometown and teach English in one of the local high schools, or better yet, immediately enrolled in West Chester University’s Counseling Program. I could have married one of my high school beaus and been the model citizen of my little world, yet this path was not one that fulfilled my ever intensifying passion to experience the world, travel, and expose myself to diverse situations. I guess I had always been taught that I could do anything I set my mind to doing, just as my parents had first taught me in Kindergarten.

Much to the chagrin of my parents, I made the decision to take a job in the “Big Apple” as a children’s book publicist for Simon & Schuster. As a glorified “photocopy technician,” I was still unacquainted with the counselor in me, yet knew that cubicle work was not what I was cut out for. I longed to be back in the classroom and within a year, I announced that I was leaving New York to drive across country and make my way in the “real world on the West Coast.” My destination, with my best friend, Alissa, was San Francisco.

As I continued to persist in following my own path, I realized that it coincided with that of my mother and gave way as my naturally therapeutic nature lent itself to my first official teaching position, and calling, as a seventh and eighth grade English teacher. I became a first year teacher at an extremely diverse private school in San Francisco. My experience in San Francisco was nothing short of serendipity. Within two weeks, I was in love with my career and sure that I could affect positive change on the fragile lives that I worked so hard to nurture everyday. If not fulfilling in and of itself, I happened into another type of therapeutic relationship where I could give and receive nurturing, love, and companionship. This relationship is with a man who I now happily call my husband. Brooks was and continues to be my perfect counterpart; he gives my life fullness and balance. I rapidly came to value our relationship above all else. It goes without saying, then, that I was more than happy to leave San Francisco when Brooks asked me to accompany him to a small town in Southern California. He longed to nurture his dream of attending school to become a photographer. Acting as a confidant to him during his decision to make this big career and life change, brought to life, once again, the therapeutic, empathetic, and caring elements that have always been a part of me.

In Ojai, California I worked as a ninth and twelfth grade English teacher at a public high school, as well as a sixth grade teacher at a private school. I enjoyed these positions, but realized an underlying theme; children and adolescents need support and guidance. This theme became so prevalent that it required more attention than I was able to provide in view of the curricular requirements as a subject matter teacher. This recognition of my affinity for guiding youngsters in methods of peer-mediation, anti-bullying, and service learning led me to my dream of focusing solely on providing children with emotional support and intelligence. Thus, one year after our wedding, my life has come full circle, and I find myself back in my hometown in search of a M.Ed. in Elementary Counseling, the very title my mom attained in 1975 and practices to this day. Brooks’ love and support, combined with my prior experiences, both in and outside of the field of education, and of course my parents’ continued belief in me, led me to an epiphany about my calling in life (one that has been present, yet unnoticed by me, for a very long time). As an elementary or middle school guidance counselor, I will fulfill my lifelong affinity toward helping others. In this capacity, I aspire to provide youth with the tools to approach everything this world has to offer them with self-confidence and positive self-esteem, just as so many people did and continue to do for me.

In this light, my desire to become a counselor is two-fold; it nurtures both my love of learning and my desire to help others. As a student in the counseling program at West Chester University, I wish to gain and apply specialized knowledge about, and familiarity with, counseling and helping others; a field for which I seem predetermined. I will continue to learn and experience life and all that it has to offer, but I will do so knowing that at least a part of me has always been rooted in supporting others. If it is really true that, “The more things change, the more they remain the same,” I can imagine I always will.

“Humility does not flourish in people’s insecurities but in the insecure security of the more aware, and thus this insecure security is one of the expressions of humility, as is uncertain certainty, unlike certainty, which is excessively sure of itself.” —Freire

Lovingness and Change

“I must confess, not meaning to cavil, that I do not believe educators can survive the negatives of their trade without some sort of ‘armed love,’ as the poet Tiago de Melo would say. Without it they could not survive all the injustice or the government’s contempt, which is expressed in the shameful wages and the arbitrary treatment of teachers, not coddling mothers, who take a stand, who participate in protest activities through their union, who are punished, and who yet remain devoted to their work with students.” —Freire

The multifaceted natures of education and leadership lend themselves most naturally to grayness rather than a black or white dichotomy. Amidst an ever changing and increasingly global/ technologically moving world, student affairs professionals must explore the mutability of education and leadership in the twenty-first century. When viewed independently, it’s possible to categorize or compartmentalize an educator’s role as imparting knowledge and a leader’s role as distilling information in an effort to guide others to reach consensus and unity on a common goal. However, education and leadership are inextricably combined. Knowledge and leadership are socially constructed and neither exists in isolation. In this light, educators and leaders are united by the common goal of change – successful educators give their students many points of view in an effort to nurture a student’s ability to develop their own ideas, while effective leaders present their followers with the tools necessary for them to become leaders in their own rite. Thus, educators and leaders are faced with the difficult task of defying the popular adage, “the more things change, the more they remain the same,” as education and leadership adapt to the growing needs of our society. Educators nurture creative thought, encourage originality, and foster the development of new ideas, while leaders synthesize these creative thoughts and ideas to work alongside of others in the process of supporting a specific goal. When viewed in this context, education promotes the development of leadership and leadership that of education, as the two serve to mutually nurture one another.

As a secondary level English teacher for the past six years, I have stood witness to the theory presented in the article, The Student Personnel Point of View, 1949; “the development of students as whole persons interacting in social situations is the central concern of student personnel work and of other agencies of education” (p. 17). Taking the whole person into consideration is an essential task of an educator, for all dimensions of human functioning effect how we learn. Thus, I have learned the importance of meeting the student where the student is in the learning process, which might sometimes require meeting personal needs before educational needs can be addressed. This acknowledgement stresses the need for educators to truly connect with students, as fellow learners, mentors, and human beings.

From this holistic perspective, it is essential for educators to willingly engage in creative and flexible “outside-of-the-box” methods and techniques in order to best equip a diverse population. This was made evident to me most recently while working as a one-on-one for an African-American, third-grade male in a Philadelphia Area Elementary school. Kenneth was suffering socially and academically as “traditional” modes of instruction, such as workbook exercises and flashcards were repeatedly rejected. Kenneth refused to work and instigated destructive interactions with his peers. After getting to know Kenneth, it became evident that some of his behaviors were linked to his difficult home situation. When given the opportunity to have control and participate in active learning, by dictating assignments out loud, using a computer, or creating learning ‘games’, Kenneth quickly proved his academic capabilities and desire to learn. With a renewed sense of pride for his work, Kenneth made friends and became a positive role model and leader. Unfortunately, not all educators display the same willingness to adapt to student needs, and Kenneth’s teacher questioned the use of creative accommodations. Rooted in a rigid and antiquated model of education, Kenneth’s teacher wished for his work to be completed in her traditional fashion. What ensued was a rapid return to disruptive behavior, resulting in his being labeled emotionally disturbed and eventual placement within a different school. The Kenneths of this world are the price we pay for unyielding practice. Without a creative, active, and flexible approach to education, the achievement gap will continue to broaden and capable students will continue to be deprived of their opportunity to learn.

I have come to believe that not only does a successful educator show a willingness to adapt and take into consideration the whole student, but he or she also facilitates student learning and thinking processes by creating an atmosphere of free discourse and expression. Discourse and expression are social activities that require student interactions. In their article in Washington Center News, “Seven Principles for Good Practice in Undergraduate Education,” Arthur W. Chickering and Zelda F. Gamson highlight the importance of collaboration and the social construction of knowledge, “learning is enhanced when it is more like a team effort than a solo race. Good learning, like good work, is collaborative and social, not competitive and isolated” (p. 3). Collaboration in learning is necessary in challenging the status quo and encouraging active learning and independent thinking while engaging the whole student.

The benefits of collaboration were made evident when I taught a sixth grade problem-based learning lesson on a topic that the class collectively decided on, sleep. After years of running myself ragged, and essentially doing all of the work for my students, the school I was working at held several training sessions on the benefits of collaborative group work and problem-based learning. What ensued was magic. At any given moment during the unit, my class was active, lively, and engaged – and I did not even have to break a sweat. What I learned is accurately summarized by Andrea Lunsford in her essay, “Collaboration, Control, and the Idea of a Writing Center,” in The St. Martin’s Sourcebook for Writing Tutors, “knowing happens with other people, figuring things out, trying to explain, talking through things” (53). The necessity of a collaborative approach to education was further impressed upon me when I participated as part of a task force on writing standards encouraging collaboration between high school English teachers and the California State University English professors. Developing expectations and an understanding of collegiate writing proficiency also resulted in many new and exciting teaching methodologies. In this light, it became evident that not only do students benefit from collaborative learning opportunities, but educators as well.

In helping students to undertake a variety of different thought processes using creative, flexible, and collaborative methods, educators provide the skills necessary to develop leaders. Education and leadership differ because where one ends the other begins. Education provides students with many different points of view, but ultimately the final say depends on the student. Effective leaders are able to not only take disparate ideas in the creation of their own, but they are also able to arrive at and articulate a plan for action. Therefore, leadership, like education, is “not something that exists outside of us” (Komvies p. 449). Instead of a conventional view of either education or leadership, one must take into consideration the relational and collaborative paradigm shift that modern society demands, “leadership is a relationship; it is not the ‘property’ of any individual” (Komvies p. 453). Understanding the nuances that at once separate and define education and leadership can create the wisdom necessary for our students to become future leaders.

As learning and leading are social processes, educators create open doors while leaders guide others through. Paradoxically, the development of consensus and unity towards achieving a goal might not be beneficent, depending on a leader’s motives. History has proven that leaders with self-serving and coercive motives fear education. As education encourages negotiation, inquiry, and change, dictators and malevolent leaders discourage the education of their followers. Genuine, caring, and effective leaders can be described by some of the positive characteristics, traits, and competencies they embody, but most importantly, by their willingness to learn alongside of others in an effort to share and encourage others to also become leaders. In their text, Student Services: A Handbook for the Profession, Susan R. Komives and Dudley B. Woodward, Jr. discuss collaborative and non-coercive leaders, “the leaders and collaborators are engaged in a give-and-take relationship because they desire to bring about real change. The changes they intend reflect their mutual purposes” (p. 457). Effective leaders collaborate with others and ineffective leaders work to manage or control others.

In an omnipresent responsibility to adapt to the changing needs of society, counselors and Student Affairs professionals have shifted from a conventional, Industrial paradigm of leadership and education as they have included collaborative, Postindustrial alternatives to the services provided to college students (Komives 451). With the Millennial Generation’s record college attendance, Student Affairs programs have a responsibility to “think beyond our conventional models and to examine new prototypes of service” (Cook p. 4). Dedicated to community service and activism, millennial students are passionate about social change and leadership (Sandfort). Thus, this generation has a symbiotic relationship with the universities they attend; college impacts them as they in turn, influence and promote institutional change.

If it really is true that “the more things change, the more they remain the same,” the constant of change must be addressed by educators and leaders. Effective education imparts qualities that can be used by individuals to become leaders. In this pursuit, self-reflection and an awareness of the changing needs of oneself and society are essential components when defining or discussing the evolving nature of education and leadership.

Lovingness

“But to the humility with which teachers perform and relate to their students, another quality needs to be added: lovingness, without which their work would lose its meaning. And here I mean lovingness not only toward the students by also toward the very process of teaching.” —Freire

Counseling is a dynamic, interactive, and complex field that requires extensive communication skills, effective challenges/probes, and a bias toward action. The symbiotic relationship among these areas has been brought to light over the course of my graduate studies.

Clients cannot begin to write their own story until they feel understood; empathy is a stepping-stone in showing a client how to gain control and in guiding them toward areas for effective change. In this process, counselor and client are co-creators as they work together to learn more about the client and his or her areas of problem-management and opportunity development.

Clients do not always recognize their strengths and the counselor can use challenge as a way to point out positive elements that the client is “blind” to and does not realize. Similarly, challenge is also helpful in guiding some clients to do some reality testing as it provides a catalyst for deepening the helping relationship. If a client seems reluctant, or resistant, it is important for the counselor to not get defensive and to be genuine and real because resistance can serve as an indicator and uncover many elements useful in moving the relationship along.

Finally, counseling is about helping people to make their own decisions. It can be quite overwhelming to have too many choices to make in this information and technology based world we live in. Decision-making is not always rational; counselors are essential in helping the client to gather information, analyze and process that information, and make choices or commit to some goal or action.

Throughout all of the steps in the counseling process, rapport and trust are necessary to move forward in discovering hidden messages and areas of problem-management/ opportunity development. In dealing with a resistant client, it is always important to use a positive approach. I believe myself to be highly in-tune and ‘with’ my clients, aiding in my ability to establish a safe environment for students to be honest and take the risks necessary for positive change. I am comfortable with silence and allow clients time to reflect—welcoming them into relationship with me. I am an outgoing and upbeat person with a good sense of humor, which also contributes to a high comfort-level for risk-taking in my clients.

When entering the helping relationship, both counselor and client are influenced by elements such as values, personality, culture, etc. I have always been, and assign great value to being a loyal person. Relationships are important, and as I have grown and matured, my relationship with my husband is paramount in my life. My friends are long standing and my family can always rely on me. This loyalty assures my dedication to my profession, yet it also influences my counseling style, in providing a challenge. In my pursuit to help others, it is often easy for me to take their problems on as my own. As the oldest of three daughters, I have a tendency to adopt the role of peacekeeper, and in so doing, attempt to “fix” my family’s/friends’ problems. If not held in check, this could negatively affect my counseling efficacy because it is not a counselor’s role to problem solve for the client. I realize this. It is the counselor’s role to facilitate the client in determining his or her own goals. Goal setting helps clients to actively focus their attention on action, develop a future orientation, and provide hope.

I am animated, exuberant, and positive. In every situation, it is important for me to remain upbeat and to use humor to lighten the mood and bring subject matter to life—traits that are reflected in my counseling style. My tendency to cheerlead for others is evident in my counseling relationships and the levels of rapport that this personality trait encourages. While I am very upbeat, I am also extremely sensitive and in-tune with the feelings of others. This inclination makes me an effective counselor because my clients feel my presence.

As an educator and counselor I would like to proclaim my role as a student advocate, counselor advocate, and loving co-inhabitor of this earth.

Tolerance

“Being tolerant does not mean acquiescing to the intolerable; it does not mean covering up disrespect; it does not mean coddling the aggressor or disguising aggression. Tolerance is the virtue that teaches us to live with the different. It teaches us to learn from and respect the different.” —Freire

I was first introduced to the ‘knowing’ behind ‘not knowing’ as an undergraduate freshman chemistry student. Led by my ego’s inability to mar my transcript with an unfathomable D, I studied madly in the weeks, days, and hours leading up to the final exam—even pondering at one point, how to laminate my notes in an effort to make more efficient use of morning showers. At long last, six hours before the exam, I began making connections and realized how much there was left for me to learn! In utter terror, I stooped so low as to call my father, the research scientist, and share my devastating realization to which he replied, “Susy, I have been in the field for over 25 years and still know very little of what can be known about chemistry. I believe that the acknowledgement of how little we know marks the existence of learning.” In spite of my refusal to attribute self-growth and development to my parents, my father taught me to embrace my fear of not doing insert discipline here right. He taught me that it is ok to not know, to be tolerant for ambiguity; a concept that would later be solidified in my graduate studies as a counselor-in-training and writing tutor.

It has been stated that counseling is both an art and a science—a balancing act between the subjective and objective dimensions often borrowed by counseling texts to explain the complexities of the counseling process. To translate into writing center practice, like a counselor-artist, a tutor can sensitively reach into the world of the client and yet maintain a sense of professional objectivity. Non-directive, client-centered tutorials illustrate the often gray intermingling of art and science in the belief that people are essentially trustworthy and that they have a vast potential for understanding on their own without direct intervention on the tutor’s part. The tutoring conversation challenges writers to take self-ownership and to direct their own growth. It must be noted, however, that this process is not pretty, neat, or predictable—once again calling on the tutor-artist to embrace resistance, build rapport, and look for the umbrella with which to view writing. Change is scary and through it comes disequilibrium—in counseling these terms are synonymous. It is not easy for clients to recognize their need to change, so along this journey of helping writers forge their own path, tutors must again call on the artistry of creating a safe and inviting environment to cushion the disequilibrium inherent in change. The attitudes and personal characteristics of the tutor-artist and the quality of the tutor-writer relationship are key components in creating a successful outcome. Counselors refer to the core conditions, or conditions necessary for change to occur—conditions that cannot be taught and therefore ambiguous by nature: empathic understanding, or actively listening and accurately communicating that understanding; unconditional positive regard; and congruence or genuineness in relating with a client. This focus on a non-directive, restorative model is the breeding ground for ambiguity—as tutors form partnerships with writers, they become firsthand witnesses to the learning experience.

On the flipside, the science of counseling informs comprehension of current lifespan developmental theory and research—an area where tolerance for ambiguity is a measure of an individual’s growth. Just as in the case of developmental theory, ambiguity tolerance has been linked to effective counseling behavior, a linkage that can be translated to tutoring. In identity development theory, while ambiguity brings with it uncertainty, frustration, and anxiety, tolerance for ambiguity is a state of identity achievement and development that cannot be taught. Because growth of this nature is experiential and indefinite, it seems counterintuitive that counseling practice makes use of specific assessments and tolerance-for-ambiguity scales in an attempt to place a label on this highly sought state. According to Dana Heller Levitt and Jodi D. Jacques in their article, “Promoting Tolerance for Ambiguity in Counselor Training Programs,” this could all be misleading; “you hoped that with experience you would—someday—understand how counseling [or tutoring] really works, how and why people change, perhaps even come to terms with your own past, present, and future. Bad news. No matter how long you work in this field, you will (hopefully) always remain in a state of awe and wonderment” (Levitt & Jacques 51).

Thus, it can be hypothesized that tutors accepting of ambiguity have reached a higher state of developmental growth and self-efficacy—they both inform and are informed by ambiguity. In this light, counseling informs my understanding of the processes that writers wrestle with during writing tutorials, when a lot is in disequilibrium: what the professor wants, what the assignment is, what to put in an introduction, how to formulate a debatable thesis, burnt breakfast toast and spilled coffee, among others. I realize now that my own self-doubt, wonder, and tolerance for ambiguity can provide the vehicle for client growth and acknowledgement of that which is left to be learned.

“On an initial level, tolerance may almost seem to be a favor, as if being tolerant were a courteous, thoughtful way of accepting, of tolerating, the not-quite-desired presence of one’s opposite, a civilized way of permitting a coexistence that might seem repugnant. That, however, is hypocrisy, not tolerance. Hypocrisy is a defect; it is degradation. Tolerance is a virtue. Thus if I live tolerance, I should embrace it.”
—Freire

Patience and Impatience

“Neither patience nor impatience alone is what is called for. Patience alone may bring the educator to a position of resignation, or permissiveness, that denies the educator’s democratic dream. Unaccompanied patience may lead to immobility, to inactivity. Conversely, impatience alone may lead the educator to blind activism, to action for its own sake, to a practice that does not respect the necessary relationship between tactics and strategy.” —Freire

Change is inevitable. The complexities of modern life in an ever-changing and technologically moving world create strain, stress, isolation, and confusion for every civilization. Psychoanalytical theories were born from the pain, suffering, and sickness experienced and observed by their founders as they stood witness to a changing world, many as a direct result of either World War I or World War II. In this light, counselors and therapists face the essential role of equipping humankind with necessary social and emotional skills in order to obtain a higher quality of life in an evolving world. The popular adage, “the more things change, the more they remain the same,” can be applied to illustrate the constant of change.

Elements and methods of my counseling outlook include: offering encouragement, assisting clients in searching for new possibilities, understanding the phenomenological world of the client, actively listening/“being there,” participating in an I/thou dialogue, collaborating on experiments, taking an active role, debating irrational beliefs, gathering data on assumptions, using bibliotherapy, role playing, questioning, prophesizing, goal setting, scaling, and reframing a client’s problem saturated stories. Each therapy has strengths and weaknesses when taking the individual into consideration. It is essential for counselors to recognize that clients seek counseling to change, but sometimes in order to effectively help a client reach a change in thinking, feeling, or behaving, it is the counselor’s duty to change or integrate their techniques/methods.

When I was a little girl in first grade I used to beg my parents to allow me to wear my favorite dress to school every day. Much to my mother’s chagrin, as she had purchased me an extensive wardrobe, she hesitantly gave in to my request as she recognized my need for self-expression and independence. Little did she or I know that 23 years later, I still have the same penchant for favorite clothing. Despite my worldwide travels and incessant yearning to do and experience new things, I still find myself gravitating toward my favorite pair of pajama pants/T-shirt. I have lived in Philadelphia, New York, England, Los Angeles, and San Francisco, and yet I have worn the same pink pajama pants to bed almost every single night. Thus, wherever I go, whatever I do, my pajama pants serve as a constant for me in an ever-changing world. Similarly, many of my future clients will cling to certain similar aspects within their life. It is important to recognize that although change is necessary for human growth and advancement, there still exist constants that provide comfort and safety and need to remain the same. “The more things change, the more they remain the same” is an adage that may be applied to the reliability of our changing world, the need for counselors to adapt/change their approach to fit a multicultural society, the human need to find comfort amidst all of this change, and my need to never lose track of my favorite pajama pants.

“Virtue, then, does not lie in experiencing either without the other but, rather, in living the permanent tension between the two. The educator must live and work impatiently patiently, never surrendering entirely to either.” —Freire

Joy of Living

The blueprint of my life

“By completely giving myself to life rather than to death—without meaning either to deny death or to mythicize life—I can free myself to surrender to the joy of living, without having to hide the reasons for sadness in life, which prepares me to stimulate and champion joy in the school.” —Freire

I find it helpful to view the complexities of my life, and its various states of wellness, in a metaphoric context. In this light, a blueprint of my life is a symbolic visual representation for the building blocks that play a role in my identity’s construction. As portrayed by the blueprint, the foundation, or element most central to my life, provides support for every room in the house; family, study, play, kitchen, bed, exercise, garage, studio, and cellar. Some rooms are in need of more repair and attention than others, but all of them are held up by their foundation.

My husband, Brooks, supports me in every aspect of my life. He keeps me grounded as he provides me with unconditional love and friendship, and is my perfect counterpart because we keep each other balanced. While Brooks and I are alike in many ways, I believe it is our differences that keep our marriage so strong. Brooks has taught me how to slow down and not take life too seriously and I have taught him how to stand up for himself and what he believes in as he follows his passions. Due to the strength of our relationship and how central a role he plays in my life, my marriage with Brooks is present in all of the components of my life. As we venture through life together, no task seems unbearable and no hardship insurmountable. Thus, the solid, pure, and unyielding presence of my husband keeps me standing amidst life’s many trials and tribulations.

The family room is an integral room in my blueprint because I have always relied on my family for guidance, support, and encouragement. My parents have never second-guessed a decision I have made and have always given me space to make my own choices. I value their advice and have tried my best to act in ways that would make them proud. My mom and dad have taught me through their actions; they are hard working and dedicated to every aspect of their lives, oftentimes putting their three daughters’ needs above their own. I have, in turn, constructed a strong work ethic and sense of purpose, two essential components of who I am.

Similarly, my position as the oldest of three girls has played a huge role in shaping me into the responsible, compassionate, and giving person I am today. Growing up as the oldest child has instilled a strong sense of responsibility in me; I was always worrying about my sisters and their well-being. I loved both of my sisters from the day that they were born and was proud to help them in any way possible. Oldest children are accustomed to having their younger siblings follow them around, wishing to be involved in most aspects of their older sibling’s life. While many oldest children may see this admiration as a burden, I loved knowing that my sisters looked up to me and I often wanted to include them and share with them. To this day, both of my sisters turn to me for advice and support, but now that I am married, they also enjoy having an older brother.

From the first time I met Brooks’ family they made me instantly feel at home. While I come from a small extended family, Brooks’ is quite large. As family is important in his life too, I met his family and he met mine early in our relationship. It has meant so much to me to be accepted as a daughter in his family and to have my parents treat him as their son. Despite their geographical challenges, his family lives on the West Coast and mine lives on the East Coast, Brooks and I have always remained in close contact with our families and the family component in my life continues to thrive.

The study also serves an important role in the blueprint of my ‘house,’ for it is the place where I nurture my curiosity and life-long love of learning. This component is well nourished due to my position as a graduate student in the counseling program at West Chester University, as well as in my professional life as an instructional aid at Myers Elementary School. I have always been a conscientious student because I value education and continually seek to challenge myself in my pursuit of knowledge. Brooks also shares this value and has encouraged me to follow my passion of helping others in supporting my goal to obtain a Masters Degree in Counseling. In his effort to make my life easier, Brooks also reminds me about how apt I am in letting this component of my life overwhelm me, as he has heard my stories about studying for hours and hours in high school and college (I once contemplated laminating Chemistry notes to study in the shower). I am grateful that he constantly reminds me that it is okay to enjoy working hard and studying hard, but not at the cost of becoming unbalanced.

Accordingly, an examination of the playroom will unveil a room that is currently in need of restoration. Representing social activity and connections with friends, the playroom is an important component of who I am. I have always been an outgoing and social being, and I value my close friendships. At this point, this area of my life needs extra attention because work and study have overwhelmed me. The ebb and flow of life has always created times when socializing with my friends occurred sporadically; they are developing in their own ways, creating conflicts in and of themselves. While I wish to make this a higher priority at this point, I know that my close friends are always there for me, and they know that as they progress through life and grow as individuals, I will also be there for them.

The kitchen is symbolic of my nutrition and state of physical wellness. As a recovered anorexic, eating has always been a double edge sword for me. When I first met Brooks, I barely weighed 90 pounds and was constantly concerned with my weight. The help of a great counselor, alongside of Brooks’ positive influence in my life, has since found me healthy. I overcame this rough spot in my life and have grown as a result of it. Now, the kitchen serves as an epicenter for Brooks and I to regale tales about our day and rejoice as we cook together, one of our favorite activities. I now have healthy goals for my weight and recognize that it may fluctuate, but I know how to use moderation as my guiding light and I also know how to seek support if it is needed.

In my ‘house,’ the bedroom is a representation of intimate time spent with my husband; affectionate time spent with our dog, Chloé; and a time for personal rest/relaxation. Brooks and I have a very healthy marriage and our desire to grow, as a family, by having children of our own is something we often discuss. While we both agree that the timing is not yet right, we hope to expand our family in the next few years. In the meantime, our adopted Queensland Blue Heeler, Chloé, snuggles into our bedtime routine where I rest my head on Brooks’ shoulder and she cuddles up in-between us. Whether drinking coffee in the morning, or eating a picnic in bed, the bedroom is a space where Brooks, Chloé, and I share precious moments as our own immediate family.

Finding my physical and psychological center through exercise has always been vital in my life, as is evidenced by the exercise room in my metaphorical ‘house.’ As an established ballerina, cheerleader, and runner, exercise provides me with the adrenaline to push my limits, in addition to the satisfaction I feel as I proudly soak my aching muscles. Brooks has often encouraged this goal at the end of a particularly trying day, as he is aware of the mental release exercise is able to provide me from a day’s stress and anguish. In this endeavor, Brooks is my biggest cheerleader in my pursuit of physical activity, despite his self-proclaimed assertion that he will “only run if being chased.” This ‘room’ is one that is sorely in need of repair and I wish to re-integrate physicality into my life as I continue in my graduate program. My mental wellness is so reliant upon my ability to nurture this element of my life that it seems it should be always in the forefront of my mind, however, as I often find myself focused on one path, I have once again let this one slide.

A garage is a place where many people store items. My figurative ‘garage’ stores a car, skiing equipment, camping and backpacking gear, and all of the many memories I have collected along my various journeys. These items are essential in maintaining my sense of wellness, for I am a restless soul, always ready for adventure and new experiences. Brooks holds true to the quote, “Not all who wander are lost.” This is a driving force in his, and consequently, my life. Brooks and I have experienced so much together in the six years that we have been together. Whether backpacking through Costa Rica; traveling across country (two times); moving; taking day trips to wineries; driving from Santa Barbara, CA, to Zion National Park, UT, in twenty-four hours; or just plain daydreaming; an integral component in my, and our, life is that of traveling to near and distant places to experience all of life’s majesty. Brooks and I are working on maintaining the health of this component with our plans to travel to Spain, Portugal, and Morocco as a commencement gift upon my graduation.

The painting studio/art room is where my creativity is represented. I am a creative being. Painting, singing, and acting have always provided me with a creative outlet to help me feel ‘alive.’ Nourishing this element is something I am able to do in my professional world, as I attribute my success as a teacher and mentor to my ability to ‘think outside of the box.’ As a photographer and graphic designer, Brooks has easily identified with this component of mine. We work well together and have many plans for future collaborative efforts.

Finally, the cellar is a place for me to house the demons I have overcome. The traumatic death of my grandma, my dad’s flirtation with death, my obsessive compulsive tendencies, and an overwhelming pile of debt are all elements that I have been able, with Brooks by my side, to face head-on and then come to terms with. My grandma’s death was traumatic as she was the matriarch of our family, and only living grandparent with which I was able to establish a relationship. This tremendous loss brought my family great devastation, as it also brought us closer together. Not long after my grandma’s passing, however, my father fell quite ill with pneumonia. He admitted himself to the hospital for lung surgery and as a complication, had a heart attack on the operating room table. As I lived with Brooks in California at the time, I was distraught with the situation and how far away I was from my dad and family. The doctors were able to stabilize my father, yet they were unable to remove him from life support and he was placed in the intensive care unit. Brooks had me on a flight to Philly the moment my mom called and said that the family needed me for support (not to mention my own feelings of having to do something – a task that was seemingly impossible from California). This traumatic experience brought many of the components of my life together; Brooks, family, and friends, for these are the people I turned to when my dad was fighting for his life. My dad is a fighter, like I am, and he pulled through. He got through that ordeal, and even a triple bypass surgery three short weeks before my wedding day. The nurses and trainers at the rehabilitation hospital attributed his rapid recovery rate to his desire to get on a plane and walk his daughter down the aisle.

Hence, wellness is a never-ending cycle as it is generated from within and nourished by all who love us. I have so much to offer the world, but I do so always knowing that without my own sense of wellness, I will be unable to help others. All of these experiences have sculpted me into the person I am today. Drafting my blueprint has allowed me the ability to reflect on the components of my life that construct the essence of who I am. With this knowledge, I have gained a deeper understanding of where I am, and where I have yet to go.

“We forge a school-adventure, a school that marches on, that is not afraid of the risks, and that rejects immobility. It is a school that thinks, that participates, that creates, that speaks, that loves, that guesses, that passionately embraces and says yes to life. It is not a school that quiets down and quits.” —Freire